51 Days

I feel nearly as if I have 51 days left to live.


Through much prayer I've decided to go to Ave Maria in the fall. This has probably been the hardest thing I've had to decide to do in my whole life. This decision will affect me and the ones I love the most in a very strong and powerful way. The result of my move, I have no clue - we will see. It'll be hard, but I know the Lord is in it. It is of the Lord, and He s already blessing it.


But I feel as if I have 51 days left to live.
I'm leaving home.
I. Am. Leaving. Home.
lolwut?!

REALLY!
This is insane.

I feel like I've done nothing that is Louisiana-ish in my life.
I don't eat seafood.
I don't fish.
I don't hunt.
I don't talk flat or wear camouflage.
I know little about New Orleans.


So, I'm deciding to embrace all of this in the next 51 days to the very best of my ability.
I want to see places and explore. I want to journey. I want to see cathedrals, eat seafood, and go fishing! I want to smell the stench of the bayou n my skin! I want to spend time with my friends and my family.

Most importantly, I am going to continue embracing home. Home is home, and I want to know home. To love home, and I want to miss home and yearn for it. I want to also be able to take a lot of home with me, simply speaking.

I want to make the best of the time I have left here.
I also want to stop sounding as if I were dying.
But really, this is big, and insane, and rough and tough, and exciting, and sad, and tearful, and all giddy.
It's everything.
And I hope I'm ready for everything.

low

It's in the desert where we really learn to thirst.


Work has kept me busy the past month with several weeks of 12hr days. I've just been worn out, and due to the fact that I'm worn out, everything suffers. I'm beat and battered, bruised, burnt out, and weary. I feel as if I'm on my knees trying to crawl. Heck, I'm on my belly, clawing and trying to grab hold of something.

It's just been dark here. There isn't much light. There's a lump in my throat I can't seem to shake. If anything, I feel less than adequate. I feel unworthy of anyone and anything. I just want to keep my head down.

I thirst.
I thirst for the Lord. He's teaching me, and while I am constantly stumbling and falling and sitting in this gully, I know He's waiting with me.
It's just hard.

I'm ready for the end of this, for a new chapter of this episode. For anything. This is beating me dead.

I know that there is an oasis somewhere. Somewhere.  I'll get there. Trust me, He'll get me there.

The main thing...

is to keep the main thing the main thing.

I promise...

to love you like Christ loved the Church.

Good men, this is how we are called to love. This is what Christ meant to love to one another as He has loved us. This love for our bride is a love that bleeds purity, a love that sacrifices always, a love that portrays the greatness of God.

Good men, you are called to greatness. You are called to love. Your love is good.




And sisters, you deserve nothing less. Nothing less. If you aren't being loved by a man that is loving you as Christ would, I greatly encourage you to not settle. You deserve to be fought for, to be pursued! You deserve the very best!



Brent Rice speaks some beautiful words; I will let his words speak to you.

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Through

...prayer and communion, we will never give up.

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My heart aches...

...for brothers.


I am gratefully blessed, but I yearn for good and virtuous men that are accountable. Thank You for the gift of one such man recently.

The world...aches for brothers - for men that are courageous.

Thank You for Gentle Consolation-

Through true femininity and beauty that's been gifted and revealed to me, the gentle comfort and rest the Lord gives me has been much more tangible lately. There's so much tenderness inside a woman that has the capacity to envelope and console a tired and weary heart, one that overworks, never sleeps, and is just TIRED. So thank you both for rest. Mmmmm



Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast,
But I will stay
The same through the past,
The same in future, same today


I am constant
I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy
I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

I know you through and through;
There's no need to hide
I want to show you love
That is deep and high and wide


Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest

-Jill Phillips, "I Am"