51 Days

I feel nearly as if I have 51 days left to live.


Through much prayer I've decided to go to Ave Maria in the fall. This has probably been the hardest thing I've had to decide to do in my whole life. This decision will affect me and the ones I love the most in a very strong and powerful way. The result of my move, I have no clue - we will see. It'll be hard, but I know the Lord is in it. It is of the Lord, and He s already blessing it.


But I feel as if I have 51 days left to live.
I'm leaving home.
I. Am. Leaving. Home.
lolwut?!

REALLY!
This is insane.

I feel like I've done nothing that is Louisiana-ish in my life.
I don't eat seafood.
I don't fish.
I don't hunt.
I don't talk flat or wear camouflage.
I know little about New Orleans.


So, I'm deciding to embrace all of this in the next 51 days to the very best of my ability.
I want to see places and explore. I want to journey. I want to see cathedrals, eat seafood, and go fishing! I want to smell the stench of the bayou n my skin! I want to spend time with my friends and my family.

Most importantly, I am going to continue embracing home. Home is home, and I want to know home. To love home, and I want to miss home and yearn for it. I want to also be able to take a lot of home with me, simply speaking.

I want to make the best of the time I have left here.
I also want to stop sounding as if I were dying.
But really, this is big, and insane, and rough and tough, and exciting, and sad, and tearful, and all giddy.
It's everything.
And I hope I'm ready for everything.

low

It's in the desert where we really learn to thirst.


Work has kept me busy the past month with several weeks of 12hr days. I've just been worn out, and due to the fact that I'm worn out, everything suffers. I'm beat and battered, bruised, burnt out, and weary. I feel as if I'm on my knees trying to crawl. Heck, I'm on my belly, clawing and trying to grab hold of something.

It's just been dark here. There isn't much light. There's a lump in my throat I can't seem to shake. If anything, I feel less than adequate. I feel unworthy of anyone and anything. I just want to keep my head down.

I thirst.
I thirst for the Lord. He's teaching me, and while I am constantly stumbling and falling and sitting in this gully, I know He's waiting with me.
It's just hard.

I'm ready for the end of this, for a new chapter of this episode. For anything. This is beating me dead.

I know that there is an oasis somewhere. Somewhere.  I'll get there. Trust me, He'll get me there.

The main thing...

is to keep the main thing the main thing.

I promise...

to love you like Christ loved the Church.

Good men, this is how we are called to love. This is what Christ meant to love to one another as He has loved us. This love for our bride is a love that bleeds purity, a love that sacrifices always, a love that portrays the greatness of God.

Good men, you are called to greatness. You are called to love. Your love is good.




And sisters, you deserve nothing less. Nothing less. If you aren't being loved by a man that is loving you as Christ would, I greatly encourage you to not settle. You deserve to be fought for, to be pursued! You deserve the very best!



Brent Rice speaks some beautiful words; I will let his words speak to you.

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Through

...prayer and communion, we will never give up.

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My heart aches...

...for brothers.


I am gratefully blessed, but I yearn for good and virtuous men that are accountable. Thank You for the gift of one such man recently.

The world...aches for brothers - for men that are courageous.

Thank You for Gentle Consolation-

Through true femininity and beauty that's been gifted and revealed to me, the gentle comfort and rest the Lord gives me has been much more tangible lately. There's so much tenderness inside a woman that has the capacity to envelope and console a tired and weary heart, one that overworks, never sleeps, and is just TIRED. So thank you both for rest. Mmmmm



Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast,
But I will stay
The same through the past,
The same in future, same today


I am constant
I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy
I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

I know you through and through;
There's no need to hide
I want to show you love
That is deep and high and wide


Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest

-Jill Phillips, "I Am"

It would be a tragedy

If someone met us and didn't meet God.

meek trust

It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates.

-Amy Carmichael




You put it there, You'll come through. Help me to trust that You'll come through.

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St. Joseph//Trust//Father

St. Joseph! Happy Feast Day!

St. Joseph has always had a special place in my heart. I have been blessed to have my middle name and confirmation name shared with his. He's taught me quite a lot.

One of those things he's taught me is trust. I believe that St. Joseph's witness of trust is one that is often overlooked.  When it's said that Joseph was going to "divorce her quietly", it seems like plenty of people interpret that and judge Joseph wrongly. But put yourself in his shoes. Here is your wife that you're betrothed to, you're married to, and within the coming months she will be invited into your home, and now she's pregnant.

What would we think? Mary had an affair. Surely that's what WE would assume. But when the angel appeared to Joseph, he had the truth spoken to him and he trusted what was told to him. That's quite a large leap of faith. He's being quite vulnerable when he accepts and trusts the Will of God.

Joseph has taught me to trust. To trust and say yes.

That's just the beginning. He is a beautiful witness of father.

Pope Benedict XVI has spoken some beautiful words about Joseph, so I will let him speak.

‎"His humble and sincere love for his betrothed and his decision to join his life to Mary’s attracted and introduced him, “a just man”, to a special intimacy with God. Indeed, with Mary and later, especially, with Jesus, he began a new way of relating to God, accepting him in his life, entering his project of salvation and doing his will. After trustfully complying with the Angel’s instructions “Do not fear to take Mary your wife” — he took Mary to him and shared his life with her; he truly gave the whole of himself to Mary and to Jesus and this led him to perfect his response to the vocation he had received."

To Christ through Mary,

Tyler 

Your praise is good.

Lately this is what I've been feeling.

Just those words being spoken to me, to us. Not only am I (and you) good, which I'll blog at a later time, but our praise is good. I've felt at some times, well quite often actually, that no matter what, God was always above my praise. He was always above what I could give Him. Well He spoke directly to that.

Our praise is enough for Him. When I say enough, I don't mean just enough to get by. No. It's enough. It is sufficient. It is competent. It is satisfacory. It satisfies Him, the Lord of Lord's! ...Humbling, right?!

Who am I, a wretched, broken sinner, to be able to give sufficient praise to the Creator of the Cosmos? Well he says we have what it takes. We're good. Our praise is good. What we offer to Him is good.

Not only is it good, but He delights in what we give Him. He delights in our praise, in our adoration of Him. It makes Him happy. He smiles when we bow and bring all we are to exalt Him. When we're truly present to Him in praise, I am confident that He can rest with us. The Bride, us, desires to rest in the safety and warmth of the Bridegroom, right? The Bridegroom also desires to rest with His bride. I'm confident that He tells we have what it takes and He rests. Mmm.

Now, He never expects us to give Him praise. That isn't quite how our Daddy works. He longs for us to give Him praise, yes! Most definitely He longs for praise from us! But our Daddy will NEVER expect praise. He only hopes and yearns for our praise.

He takes our praise and receives it with outstretched arms. He receives our praise that is good and loves our praise. And He thanks us for the praise we offer. He smiles with gratitude. :)




This is the song that has really helped this message of our praise being good enough.

to Christ through Mary,

Tyler

dwell

The world is...busy.

Actually, that's quite an understatement. The world doesn't stop. It doesn't allow us to stop. It doesn't allow us to breathe. We're often consumed by work, school, obligations, etc. But that's normal, right?

That's a huge part of our problem. We don't know how to stop. either we're incapable of doing such a thing, due to our workload, or we're scared to do so. Most people don't have the time to stop. Well, the truth is, none of us have the time. We have to make the time. The time just won't magically appear out of thin air. That'd be nice.

Prayer should involve silence to some certain degree. Personally, quite a bit of prayer contains silence. I'll often begin and end with silence, as well as dwelling with silence for a prolonged period of time within my prayer. We need to give Him the time to delight in us. He longs to have time with us. He wants and yearns to delight in us. Don't get me wrong, He will take us and delight in us no matter what, but wouldn't it be nice to give Him time in silence? For us to be quiet, to stop talking, and just be. Just be and let Him love on us. Let Him love us where we are. We don't need to move, to go anywhere, but where we are is good enough. He'll reach. He'll get it. Always.

This is dwelling. Dwell. Dwell in silence. Dwell in Love Himself. Mmmmm!!! Love! Dwell in Love, in Peace, in Hope, in Rest, in Freedom, in Truth! He allows our sould to rest and breathe when we dwell.

The thing is, we don't dwell enough. We can dwell in quite a number of places. I've been turning off the music in the car recently and just enjoying the silence. We don't get silence often. We have to fill the void. We fill that silent void with just noise. Subliminally we fill it with noise. I encourage you to embrace silence. Embrace it in a new way. At first, it was a bit uncomfortable, but now, I yearn for that silence I know I'll get when I drive. I know it's a place where I can rest in Him and where He can love on me.

So dwell. Just be.
Be, and let Him love on you in silence.

to Christ through Mary,

Tyler 

Voids//Cracks

In a lot of ways our hearts are filled with plenty open spaces, yearning to be filled with something. Unfortunately, we often turn and try to fill these voids with things that will not satisfy us.  Not only will these things the world feeds us not satisfy us, but often they hurt us. They hurt us bad.  We're now left with a wound, whether it's a wound inflicted upon us with another, by another, or by ourselves. The wound is there.

So now not only do we have a void, a void that already hurt because there was empty space, but we have this empty aching void and all around that void in our heart are cracks. These cracks run deep. These cracks are our sin.

First, we need to learn how to fill the void.  That void can only be filled by the Lord.  He is the only thing that will ever satisfy us.  Until we acknowledge this, we'll continue to search for things to try and satisfy the void.  Trust me, the Lord will fill the void. He'll satisfy. He'll come through. He always comes through.

Cracks.

Oh, cracks. Unfortunately, these cracks are wounds.  Most wounds are wounds that leave a scar.  Now this doesn't mean that they can't be made better, but scars tend to stay to some degree.  What God can do is He can fill the cracks.  He can fill these cracks, and He will fill these cracks with his tender love and mercy.  He wants to fill the cracks. If you allow Him to fill the cracks, He will.

Not only will He fill the cracks, but He'll pour a whole new foundation over the cracks. This new foundation will be filled with hope. He'll cover the cracks to where they can no longer be seen. He can, and He will. He'll make it better. He'll make you new. He wants to make you happy - to fill you with joy.

He looks upon us with love and joy. He wants this for us.  He wants what's best for us - always. He's in it for our good.

to Christ through Mary,

tyler

On the Prairie

So rest and peace has been a huge part of my spiritual life in the recent weeks. I come to realize that I don't spend enough time resting WITH the Lord. He brings me peace when I'm able to rest.

Where can I rest? Well, the silence is usually the best place. In the silence I'm able to just be physically still. I'm able to prostrate myself in a position of receptivity where whatever He is saying is very clear to me. In the silence is peace. There is room for me to breathe.

That's been the main thing. Whether God Himself is bringing me the peace, or He's using a particular person to allow me to rest, breathing has been key. In this rest, my chest has place to rise and fall. The weight and burdens of the world are gone for once. I can breathe without that weight on my chest. I'm free! Free to rest and breathe!

There's this place where when I rest, I wanna go. It's the prairie. It's wide open with nothing to stop me from running. It is where I wanna be to rest. I want to be on the prairie and just run. I want to run with the fresh breeze giving me air. I want to run through the soft grass and over the rolling hills without anything holding me back.


Silence. Rest. Peace. Mhmmm.

Desolation

There's definitely a bit of beauty to be found in desolation. Unfortunately, our lies most likely won't always be lived on the peak of the mountain (spiritually), but when we are desolate, when we feel far, there's good there.

We feel far because we know there is another. We are longing for the other. We're longing for satisfaction! If we didn't know of the other, most likely, our desolation wouldn't be quite as bad because we wouldn't have anyone to miss. Yes, we'd be lonely, but we wouldn't even know about being alone WITH.

Even when we're alone, we're not really alone. We're alone with. He's always there. He's always waiting patiently. He's always gazing and just watching you. When in desolation, that's the greatest thing I can - watch Him gaze upon me.

It isn't so bad then. He's delighting in me. And I have a certain hope placed in me that He WILL come through. He always does. He'll raise me up and out.

Find the beauty in the desolate places. It's there.

KNOWN Retreat Recap // Interviews

Praise God for the fruit of this day. He brought a number of teens with open ears and hearts yearning for Him, and He surely spoke to them. We already have plans for another retreat like this one to take place on December 31, 2012.

For anyone who doesn't know what this is about, this was a retreat based on loveand security. Dr. Bob Schultz teaches a sort of three-fold progress of maturation. He says we first need to be secure, then we can mature, then we can be pure.

Security. Maturity. Purity.

Simple enough, right? Well most of us don't get that foundation. The foundation that we're good, we're loved, we're the beloved, we're a delight, and that He aches and longs for us and to be with us. We have to be secure. We HAVE to be.

So that's what this retreat was based on. Security and love.

There's definitely a long list of people that need to be thanked for making this retreat happen-

Roch Gernon (for his generous guidance over the past two years, and for all of the information presented during the retreat)

Fr. Ty Van Nguyen, Fr. Andre Melancon, Fr. Josh Rodrigue, & Fr. Mark Toups,
Lisa & Eric Lapeyrouse, Paula & Timmy White, and my parents, Paula & Jesse Neil,
Amanda Trahan,
Katy Ledet,
Brice Higginbotham,
Celeste Lapeyrouse, Brandy Malbrough, & Amy Pirtle,
Miranda Plaisance, Jacob Lapeyrouse, & Evan Lapeyrouse (for the interviews in this video)
And for all of my wonderful brothers and sisters that have supported this retreat through prayer, thank you.

Why restless? Why blog? Why would I ever want to do such a thing? Good question. I don't have the answer.

In all honesty, I don't know what to do when it comes to blogging, so this will most likely be a reflection of my thoughts, meditations, opinions, and insight of what has happened on a particular day, or what is going on in my life at that moment.

Why restless?

St. Augustine said in his Confessions, "You have made us for yourself, O LORD, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

How right he was. Our hearts were made for ultimate satisfaction with Christ! We cannot expect to be satisfied by finite people in the world today. If we search for someone that will ultimately fulfill us on Earth, we will rip either them or ourselves apart. We can't expect infinite from something finite.

So this is my inspiration - to write about our restlessness. We experience it everyday, so this should contain anything from anyday. Pretty broad, right? This is not meant to leave us hopeless, but to instill hope in us that one day we will be fulfilled and satisfied by the best Bridegroom! While here on Earth, there are things that will bring us close to being satisfied ultimately, but in the end, we need Christ more than we need anything else. Our hearts are restless until they can rest in Him.

  +to Christ through Mary,

tyler